For years, she lived in a state of high alert, with a constant knot in her stomach and anxiety that never truly slept. She felt a profound and aching inability to feel safe or secure in the world. Today, I worked with a client who finally broke through the walls she had built to protect herself—walls that, over time, had become a prison. When she described her childhood, it was clear that she was still surviving, even decades later. She spoke of profound trauma and abuse, recounting the experience of seeing her mother abused and feeling that unique, paralyzing helplessness that childhood trauma leaves behind.
As she grew up, that helplessness transformed into a harsh inner voice: “I am not good enough. I am a loser because I couldn’t save her.” To cope with the pain of feeling "good for nothing," she did what many survivors do—she abandoned the child within her. She disowned the scared little girl who always tried to escape during a crisis, the one who believed that the world was entirely unsafe.
The Breakthrough: Embracing the "Dead" Child
In our session today, we moved beyond simply intellectualizing the trauma and delved into its core. She experienced a significant breakthrough when she finally stopped running away from it. She embraced her inner child—the one she had abandoned, the one she felt was shameful or weak—and awakened that part of herself. This was not just a moment of understanding; it was a moment of integration. She accepted that younger version of herself, along with all its shortcomings, fears, and scars. In that act of loving self-acceptance, she whispered to herself, "I am here now. You are safe." She stopped trying to fix her flaws and began nurturing them instead.
Reclaiming Wholeness
The results were immediate and profound. The client who came in feeling tense left feeling whole and complete. She realized that the "weak" child she had been running away from was actually the survivor who had helped her get through it all. Healing isn’t about becoming a "perfect" person who never feels anxious; it is about becoming someone who can support themselves when anxiety arises. It is about embracing every chapter of our story, even the difficult ones. If you are struggling with a persistent feeling of being unsafe or if you feel like you are still trying to save a mother or a younger version of yourself, know that it is possible to come home to yourself.
If this story resonates with you, remember that you do not have to carry the burden alone.Reach out for support.